


if my life is mine, what shouldn't I do?

by AndreaLyn



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: F/F, Isobel Evans Appreciation Week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:02:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25747831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndreaLyn/pseuds/AndreaLyn
Summary: The more she gets away from Noah, the more Isobel gets a chance to learn who she really is. Who better to do that with than Charlie?
Relationships: Isobel Evans/Charlie Cameron
Comments: 14
Kudos: 29
Collections: Isobel Evans Appreciation Week 2020





	if my life is mine, what shouldn't I do?

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Isobel Evans Appreciation Week - Day 5 - Identity | Self-Discovery.

Months after Isobel first started coming to Planet 7, she’s become something of a regular.

It means she also _knows_ all the other regulars. Blair is definitely someone she’d _happily_ gotten to know, and then there are the other full-time bartenders. Kyle drops by every month or so, though lately he’s been a lot more boring than normal with his girlfriend, leaving Isobel without a dancing partner and lacking a wingman. 

She convinces Michael to come with her exactly once, which goes awry the second someone spills glitter onto his cowboy hat. Alex came here too, once, with Forrest, but he’d looked vaguely uncomfortable the whole time and didn’t want to dance, and she’s not exactly that close that she wants to invite Forrest back without Alex. 

Max tries to be the supportive brother, but Isobel is the one to stop him from coming because he mopes every time someone with eyeliner walks by at the Crashdown, she doesn’t want to bring his brand of moping here.

Everything reminds him of Liz, because of course it does.

Rosa’s out of the question because she’s in rehab and even though Isobel’s trying a thing where she’s connecting with Maria, it feels weird to have her great-grand-niece with her when she’s trying to flirt. 

She needs new friends, and she’s running out of options. The old blood isn’t even interesting because Isobel’s either taken them home already or found them too boring to try. 

It’s why she’s elated to find someone new at the bar when she arrives that she also recognizes from around Roswell. “Charlie Cameron,” Isobel drawls with the pleased delight of a cat who’s discovered a delicious bowl of milk left out for her. 

She doesn’t wait for an invitation, straddling her way onto a stool and spinning towards Charlie. She finishes a full 360 degree spin, arriving back to the start so she can lean her elbow on the bar, levelling a charming grin on her new friend.

Not that Charlie knows it yet. 

Charlie looks up from her vodka soda, eyeing Isobel warily. “Hi. Am I in your seat?”

“Nope,” Isobel says cheerfully. “I want to talk to you.”

Charlie’s disbelief doesn’t go away. “...why?”

“The truth? I’ve made my way through just about everyone here, and the ones I haven’t are boring,” she says, leaning in to whisper the words to her. “You’re new. Plus, we kind of know each other.”

Charlie laughs, pressing her lip to the glass, sipping it as she gestures to Isobel with the rim once she’s done. “Is that because your brother slept with my sister?” 

Isobel’s smile builds slowly, her eyes wide with delight that Charlie brought it up so quickly. “Jenna talked about her quick bang arrangement to you?” 

“It wasn’t just a quick thing for her,” Charlie protests. “I get it, now. I saw the way Max Evans stared after Liz Ortecho, and I understand. I’m still on my sister’s side. You get that, right?” 

She does. No matter what Max does, he’s still her brother, and she’s always on his side. 

“Well, good news for both of us,” Isobel says cheerfully, ordering a cosmopolitan (because if she can’t enjoy something immensely pink and fruity here, then where can she?). “I was talking more about how we both almost died when CrashCon was in town, though with different levels of fire involved.”

Charlie bows her head down, her grip on the drink tightening. “Weird how I didn’t see you chained to the radiator.”

“No, but my other brother got taken.”

The reaction is instantaneous, and it’s definitely shocked. “...Alex Manes?”

“Michael Guerin,” Isobel corrects. “We were in a group home together as kids. It’s not brothers by blood, but he’s my brother,” she says, which is something she’s been louder about lately. They’ve discovered a lot about what happened to their families in the past and she’s tired of acting like they’re _not_ family in the present.

“He’s incredibly smart.”

“Only with some things,” Isobel replies. “Is that enough to earn me a ticket to drink with you?”

“It’s better than drinking alone and your pick-up line is better than the last one I heard.”

Isobel doesn’t say that if she were trying to pick up Charlie, she’d _know_. Instead, she indulges her curiosity. “You can’t just say that and not tell me what it was.”

Charlie laughs into her drink, the liquid rippling slightly before she points across the bar with the glass to a redhead with a mohawk standing near the jukebox. Katy. Isobel recognizes her, especially the tongue ring she has, not to mention her very interesting manicure with little dotted jewels atop very short nails. 

“What did Katy Kat say to you?”

“She wants to drown in my eyes, because then I can rescue her with a little mouth to mouth,” Charlie echoes. “I gave her a lot of points for effort.”

“But?”

“But I’m here to enjoy my drink.”

“There are other bars,” Isobel says. “The Wild Pony may have sticky, disgusting floors, but the owner is good and I happen to know that at least one bartender doesn’t suck.” Max has earned that much. “Saturn’s Ring also isn’t the worst.”

“I know there are other options, but this is where I can feel like myself.” 

Isobel lets her gaze slide over Charlie, the corners of her lips curving up with the confirmation, but she doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it. “In that case, I want to share a drink with someone else who knows who she is and knows where to be herself.”

Intent is one thing. Permission is another.

“If you’re willing to drink with someone else who likes being herself here,” Isobel allows.

Charlie doesn’t seem too upset with the idea of having a drinking partner, even if Isobel also knows that making a pass at her would go very badly. She’s absolutely intrigued by her, but she can hold off on her signature and guaranteed moves. Right now, she wants to get to know her a little more.

“I wouldn’t mind the company,” Charlie audibly allows and Isobel drops into the seat beside her instantly.

“Great,” she says, dragging her drink towards her. “Let’s talk about how smart you are to be kidnapped by a mad scorned woman in love.” 

“So long as we aren’t talking about my dating history,” Charlie admits with a laugh, “Why not?”

And that’s how Isobel ends up making a brand new friend who isn’t someone that she needs something from, isn’t family, and isn’t tangled up in their weird alien drama. 

It’s almost scary how _nice_ it feels, having something just for herself. Hopefully, she won’t mess it all up.

* * *

Isobel returns to Planet 7 the next Friday to find Charlie Cameron in the same seat at the bar. 

She tries not to look too excited about it, but she is. Charlie came back, she’s here. Isobel’s got something to entertain her for another night. Maybe that’s not the right way to put it, because making friends should be about more than someone to keep her amused. 

“Need some company?” Isobel asks, looming tall over Charlie.

This time, there’s less doubt. In fact, Charlie looks relieved to see her. She’s also staring down at her driver’s license, which is a weird thing in a bar.

“If they ID'd you, I’m going to be upset that they didn’t ask for mine,” Isobel warns her, sliding into the stool beside her. 

Charlie gives a fond laugh, shaking her head. “No, it’s...it’s mine,” she says. “I came to Roswell under a different ID, as Grace Powell,” she reminds her, even though Max had filled her in. “My driver’s license with my name came in, thanks to Jenna and Alex,” she says, rubbing her thumb over it. “I think I’m just getting used to being me again.”

Isobel leans forward to order them a fresh round of drinks, because this isn’t the kind of conversation you have while sober.

“For the longest time, I never really knew who I was,” Isobel says quietly, not sure why she’s keeping her voice down. No one around them is eavesdropping, seeing as they’re too busy with their own drinks and conversations.

“How do you mean?”

“There was this...otherness inside me,” Isobel says carefully, not sure how to explain it.

According to Michael, Charlie still doesn’t fully believe in aliens and Isobel doesn’t have any intentions of spoiling that. 

Yet, something that she’s said clearly resonates. Charlie’s mouth has parted slightly, a sharp inhalation of breath taken in of _recognition_. She reaches out for Isobel’s hand, her thumb pressed against the inside of her wrist as she holds on in solidarity. “I...I get that,” she says, her voice rough. “I’ve spent my life hiding behind name after name, different identities, trying to figure out who I was. For years, every time I looked in the mirror, it was wrong, until it wasn’t. And even when it wasn’t, I struggled to accept that I was finally who I wanted to be. The names never matched, it didn’t feel like _me_ , but then Jenna said something to me.”

“What did she say?” 

“She didn’t need me to be anyone else,” Charlie says, staring at Isobel like she’s finally seeing herself properly in the reflection of Isobel’s eyes. “All she wanted was for me to be her sister. That was someone I knew how to be. That was a role I could play, so long as my last name was Cameron. I was Jenna’s sister. That’s who I am.”

Isobel feels a lump in her throat, so big it feels like she’ll never be able to speak past it.

“What if you don’t know who you are and being someone’s sister isn’t enough?” 

Max Evans’ sister isn’t _enough_ , not for her. She wants to be better and brighter. She wants to be known as more. She hadn’t felt right without him, but she doesn’t want to be defined by him either. 

“What is it you’re trying to escape?”

Isobel still doesn’t think she can talk about the whole alien thing, and she especially feels weird talking about how her alien husband was a serial killer, but she can at least talk about the human parts of it. 

“I was married to someone who didn’t marry me for me. He wanted a person I wasn’t, and I contorted myself to be that woman,” Isobel admits, even though it starts off shaky. “I was always a sister. That identity has never been shaken, but the truth is, my ex-husband spent so long twisting me up that I still don’t know that I know me.”

Charlie studies her thoughtfully as she tips her head to the side. “When was the last time you really felt like yourself?”

Isobel doesn’t want to rush her answer.

She closes her eyes and thinks about it. She thinks about security, safety, peace, and acceptance.

Her eyes still closed, she smiles because she knows her answer. “Here,” she admits, and peeks one eye open to look at Charlie. “I know, it sounds cheesy, but it’s here. I’m not expected to be some perfect wife or a social model of perfection. I can be me and have some fun and talk to good friends.” She lands her gaze on Charlie and knows that’s not it. “I feel like me when I’m with you.”

She sees the way Charlie inhales sharply, like she hadn’t been expecting that.

“Oh,” she manages, a touch surprised. “You’re pretty cool too.” She’s flustered, and Isobel hasn’t even needed to do anything to get to that point. 

Isobel knows. 

She shrugs, like it’s not the best compliment she’s been paid in a while, Maybe it is, because Charlie doesn’t know anything other than what she’s learned in the limited time they’ve been hanging out, but Isobel has always been _Isobel_. There are no worries about who she supposedly was because Noah had taken her over.

Charlie likes her for her.

And yeah, Isobel agrees -- that is pretty cool.

* * *

One more Friday, one more trip to Planet 7, and yet another excited thrill of finding Charlie at the bar. Kyle has kindly informed her that arranging to meet Charlie here multiple times might be seen as a date to some people, but she sasses him right back by implying that if that’s the case, then he’s been dating some of the hottest twinks in town by arranging to meet them for drinks each week.

He backs off after that.

It still lingers in the back of her head, which is why Isobel feels so strange when the music switches to Charlie’s favorite song and Isobel has doubts about asking her to dance. She wouldn’t ever hesitate like that unless there are feelings involved, but she and Charlie are good friends and she’s wary of ruining that.

Then again, she’s got other friends.

Maybe what she wants is something more.

“Dance with me,” Isobel encourages, reaching out with both hands for Charlie’s.

“I don’t know…”

“Charlie,” Isobel says, fixing her gaze on her and trying her best to infuse it with a very Isobel Evans flirtatious appeal. “Please come dance with me?”

“Only because you said please,” Charlie allows.

She still looks a little wary about it, but that seems to melt away as she steps into Isobel’s arms. She wraps them around her waist to hold on tight, laughing with delight when Isobel even goes so far as to give her a little dip, pulling her back up and loving the way her hair bounces back up as it does.

“Now I can say I’ve danced at Planet 7,” Charlie says joyously. “It’s a first.”

“Aren’t I lucky to be the one to claim that honor?” Isobel teases, and shifts a little closer when more couples join them on the floor as the music shifts to a slow song.

Charlie isn’t pulling away to leave. Isobel is grateful, because it means she gets to stay. This close, pressed together, it’s a lot harder for Isobel to believe that she only wants to be Charlie’s friend. Her heart is pounding in her chest and she feels a little wobbly, which is saying nothing about the flush in her cheeks.

“This okay?”

Charlie nods, which means that Isobel feels like she can keep inching towards that line of pushing a little further. 

There’s one quick way to find out. 

Isobel drags her finger slowly down Charlie’s cheek, sliding the second under her chin to tip it up slightly. This close, she can feel Charlie’s hitching breath against her cheek, and it’s just hesitant enough to make her pause.

“Normally, I’d follow up my excellent seduction move with an invitation to go to the bathroom,” Isobel says, her eyes flickering down to the way Charlie is fidgeting with her fingers against Isobel’s hip. “Only if you want to.”

She’s learned a lot lately.

The incident with Noah had robbed her of her agency, but Isobel had always convinced herself that she was different. _Because_ she’d been a victim of it, she couldn’t be guilty of it, but incidents with Maria, ones with Rosa, they had begun to coalesce into a pattern. 

It’s more important than ever for her to ask, because Isobel Evans is becoming again. She’s a butterfly coming out of her cocoon and she wants to be a _better_ person. 

“I’m not sure that I do,” Charlie admits, but before Isobel can take it as a rejection, she keeps talking. “I think I’d much rather go to coffee, tomorrow. I want to make sure that things look just as incredible during the day as they do here.”

Isobel feels herself swell with a hopeful energy, her eyes bright as she stares at Charlie and tries to verify that she honestly means it and she really wants to spend the time with her. 

“Coffee,” Isobel echoes, but it’s not meant to dissuade or nitpick. 

It’s new, because she doesn’t think she’s gone on a date with someone for coffee in a long time. She hasn’t wanted to. 

But coffee with Charlie?

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she insists.

Charlie breathes out a sigh of relief and rests her cheek on Isobel’s shoulder so they can keep dancing. Isobel feels as if she’s turning over a new leaf, finding a new part of herself, and learning that maybe taking it slow and going for coffee with the woman you like is a pretty great first step.

* * *

It’s another Friday, months later, and Isobel isn’t alone at Planet 7 this time. 

“What time is Valenti going up there?” Alex asks, while Maria returns with their drinks. Apparently, telling them that Kyle’s doing Taylor Swift drag night had been an instant way to get company. 

“He said he’d be up around ten,” she says, and looks around Planet 7 until she finds what she needs and lights up. “Here’s our booth,” she says, sliding into it. She cups Charlie’s neck and kisses her, flush and deep, and tangles their legs together. “You remember Alex and Maria,” she says to Charlie. “Guys, this is my girlfriend,” she informs them, proudly. 

It’s the first time she’s told anyone about the fact that they’re dating, but it feels so good to finally be herself. 

All those coffee dates, the dances, and the long talks had turned into something between them that felt protected and perfect. No one else would ever have anything like it, because it belonged to Isobel and Charlie, and for the first time in her life, Isobel finally feels like she’s able to be herself.

“Girlfriend,” Alex echoes, giving Isobel an impressed and approving nod.

“It’s good to see you again,” Maria says warmly, reaching out to shake her hand. “Have you been forewarned about Kyle’s act?”

Charlie laughs, shaking her head and admitting she’s fully in the dark. 

Alex and Maria are quickly to the rescue, chattering about Kyle’s preoccupation with Taylor, his act, and all the ridiculous twists, turns, and glitter they can expect. As they talk, Charlie threads her fingers with Isobel’s under the table and squeezes tightly. 

She might not know what’s going to happen tomorrow or the day after, but at least Isobel knows who she’ll be when she faces it down.


End file.
